F*ck it vs. Perfect

Growing up, I always placed three perfectly sharpened pencils on the top right corner of my desk at the start of class.

Why? The first was to write with. The second was the backup in case the first pencil broke. The third was the back up to the backup (obviously).

Having three, it comforted me. It made me feel prepared. It made me feel safe.

Safe from what?

  • Safe from being irresponsible, ill-prepared and making mistakes.

  • Safe from being inconsiderate, distracting class, making noise looking for my second pencil.

  • Safe from being in the spotlight. Being at the center of attention was unsafe.

Be prepared. Don’t make mistakes.

Be considerate. Don’t inconvenience others.

Be invisible. Don’t take up space.

These were the secret values I carried as a child.

Now I realize these were all coping mechanisms in a particular childhood where I didn’t feel safe to fail and it wasn't safe to be seen. I couldn't be my messy, loud and passionate self.

And growing up, I was constantly applauded for being such a responsible, kind, and humble little girl. A great performance I perfected until it became my identity.

It took me nearly four decades to realize the ways in which these values were no longer serving me.

When I lost my health due to my liver failure in 2021, I met with a renowned functional medicine doctor on zoom. After our hour-long consultation, he prescribed to me two words: F*CK IT.

I nearly fell out of my chair.

He said I needed to say F*ck It more in my life. I was carrying too much by caring too much - about everyone and everything in my life.

  • In always trying to anticipate the needs of others, I had lost touch with my own.

  • In always trying to be prepared for the future, I struggled to find joy and balance in the present.

  • In always trying to stay humble and small, I silenced my own needs, my power, even my gifts to this world.

It actually took my first crushing “failure” after losing my job to realize that I was still lovable. This whole time, I thought I was most loved for how I provided and what I accomplished to make others proud. When I lost it all, I finally accepted what I should have always known - I was always loved for my being and not my doing… for my noun and not my verb.

So I started to experiment with the F*ck It mentality.

Wayyy long before “Let Them” became a thing. (No shade to Mel!)

  • I’m not 110% prepared for tomorrow’s meeting? F*ck it, I’m tired so I’m going to sleep.

  • The kids didn’t eat a perfectly healthy breakfast? F*ck it, we’ll aim for a healthier dinner.

  • Should I go to Argentina with my dad and inconvenience my husband? F*ck it, they’ll survive.

  • Should I pivot to my coaching career and launch before I feel fully prepared? F*ck it, let’s go.

  • Should I publish my newsletter and put my voice and my face out there? F*ck it, why not?

It’s amazing how this FIM (F*ck It Movement) has liberated me.

I feel less burdened to be perfectly prepared, polished and polite. And it’s unlocked for me:

  • better health (mind and body)

  • once in a lifetime trip with my dad

  • new coaching career that brings me joy

  • and so much more presence in my daily life

What do I mean by presence?

I get to be ALL of the things that move through me in the present day.

Sadness, joy, wonder, worry, laughter, anger… these feelings no longer define who I am. They are all welcomed without guilt nor shame. Because I know that when I’m not holding on too tightly to joy, more will eventually flow my way. When I’m not suppressing my worry or anger, it will flow through me like a river. This too shall pass.

The best part is, I still consider myself a pretty considerate, kind and dependable human being. But now I get to be this way from a place of “I get to” and less from a place of “I need to” or “I should”. In other words, being intrinsically motivated vs. being motivated by the external world.

It’s feels f*cking good to be all of me.

✌️

P.S. Need a gentler, elevated synonym for F*ck It? Surrender.

On the fence about working with a coach? F*ck it. Let's talk!

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Accidental Life vs. Intentional Life