Accidental Life vs. Intentional Life
As I’m spending more time with my coaching clients, I’m observing some meaningful patterns. Many have come to an intersection where a significant event has occurred in their career (new job, quit job, layoff, work milestone, etc.) and they feel a tension of two opposing forces.
One force is more familiar and feels somewhat “safe”. It’s the inertia of moving through the day-to-day motions of life on autopilot mode. The same hustle, making the “most responsible” decision for family, and an attitude toward work/career/parenting as a means to an end. Joy, self-fulfillment, purpose… can come later in life.
The opposing force is a newer one. Logically, it can seem selfish, irresponsible, “too crazy”. Yet, it tugs at their heart in quiet, persistent whispers. To do something different or to pursue their dreams, evoke feelings of possibility, freedom, joy, purpose. But could this ever become real life?
As confusing as this experience may be, the people who can actually feel this tension are already the lucky ones.
So many of us live life, only feeling a single force - the inertia of our past. It’s our life on autopilot, locked-in with the destination and pace which we set in the earlier phase of our career. A time in our lives where we needed to prove, outshine, perform, and “WIN” at all cost.
For the lucky ones, we reach a threshold in life where we start feeling the pull of our dreams. For others, we are thrown overboard by an unexpected life-quake which creates a clearing, and causes us to start over.
I consider myself extremely lucky in having been blessed with two life-quakes (hah!):
Losing my health: I had a liver failure in the middle of the pandemic (a demanding job, a rocky phase of marriage, and two young children in tow) which caused me to stop working. I was forced to focus on my health and redefine for myself the meaning of “self-care” and “wellness” - terms I used to judge as frivolous and privileged in the past.
Losing my job: I was let go from my “dream job”. The fact that I was more relieved than upset forced me to take a hard look at what I was compromising for this role (my boundaries), what made me hold on so tightly (fear of failure + financial responsibility for my family), and why I felt such a rush of relief and grace (likely on the brink of another health crisis). I vowed to never make the same mistake again.
In both instances, the familiar tea in my cup… was suddenly poured out.
All that remained was an empty cup.
I could have easily poured back the old tea, the familiar tea, perhaps the “safe” tea… and continued living my life on autopilot. Pursuing the same moving target of a destination at the same crazy pace.
But in this most recent experience, I had the opportunity to work with my executive coach to be more intentional about how I wanted to refill my cup. I realized how rare and precious it was to have this unexpected clearing, the gift of an empty cup, in the middle of my adult life.
Rather than jumping to my next CMO role (to prove myself) or over-scheduling my calendar as a super-mom (to feel better about my Enneagram 2 self), I decided to do something uncomfortable and new.
I slowed down: I forced myself to not pack my days to be “productive”.
I pursued joy: I spent time exploring what lights me up from my past and my present.
I studied myself: I took inventory of where I have innate drive and confidence.
I stayed curious: I kept a key question at the forefront: What does the world need more of?
Eventually, I found my answer at the intersection of:
What I love to do + What I was good at + What the world needed more of
That’s how I found my purpose in leadership coaching and marketing advisory.
In working with my own coach, I gained the confidence and momentum to explore it, pursue it, then go for it. It’s truly one of the bravest things I’ve done in my life - to bet on myself and market myself (!!) with the belief that I can:
Make a positive impact on others lives
Make a living doing something I truly love
This is just the beginning of this new journey and I’m not expecting a perfect, linear path. That said, I’ve never felt so alive. Finally, I’m living an intentional life where I am more deliberate about my choices, my actions, and my desired impact.
My hands are back on the steering wheel, setting my destination, my route, and my pace. The inertia of my past life no longer drives me, because I'm fully committed to living an intentional life with more purpose and joy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” - Mary Oliver
If this moves you, it’s time to make your move.
Schedule a free session with me. I’d love to hear your story.
